Once again I am inheriting a fortune

:sigh:  I wish!  I have a teen playing baseball and another about to graduate high school.  A fortune would go a very long way, especially in the totals the spammers keep promising me.  I can make fun of the scammers while I dream of those dollars, right?

First up is the message from Helmut Schimanski.  This one is hard to read because, well, I’ll just show you.

From:  Helmut Schimanski (helmschim@e-mail.ua)

Subject:  Your payment passcode Transfer 2012

Attention : Beneficiary Be informed that all the fees you are supposed to pay before receiving your contract/inheritance fund have been waived off, except a processing fee of US$350. No other charges except this processing fee is required for the release of your fund. Your fund release PASSCODE is: 999-035-2655 (Fund Transfer confirmation Code). Your total fund valued ($10.5 Million) in addition with the accumulated interest will be electronically transferred into your account by yourself with this code after activation. This is newly introduced system of payment by the Central Bank of Nigeria to avoid the past experiences of incessant fraud, illegal extortion of money from beneficiaries and to enhance transparency. WHEN YOUR FUNDS ARE TRANSMITTED, THE MANAGEMENT WILL INFORM YOU, AND YOU WILL APPLY THE PASSCODE AS DIRECTED AND INSTANTLY, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CREDITED AND YOU WILL MOVE TO YOUR BANK TO CONFIRM THE FUND. Once the passcode is activated, you will personally transmit your fund with your telephone by following this guideline (You will dial our bank access code which shall be given to you after payment of the processing fee, a voice will then ask you to enter your Account Number followed by a #, after which a voice will again ask you to enter the above passcode and end it with another #. Automatically your account will be credited with your total fund without further delay. Any other contact or payment you make apart from the processing fee to anybody or office is at your own risk. All our email subject must have this code “TRANSFER 2012” for security reasons, any email that does not come with it as its subject is not from us, please guard this code and the above passcode jealously. Be informed that so many unauthorized individuals do parade themselves as our officials and impose bogus bills on our beneficiaries with their syndicates home and abroad. Take precautionary measure henceforth, you have been notified, and once we find out that you are one of the people that involve themselves with these unauthorized individuals, tarnishing the image of this great country we will immediately report you to the authorities because we are trying our best to restore the image of this great country. We are waiting for your urgent response. Yours faithfully, Dr. Helmut Schimanski Executive Director Corporate & International Banking UNION BANK PLC

Yes, this is the message as received.  It’s a jumbled mess, eh?  $10.5 million would take care of me, mine, friends, family, and charity for a while, but it’s not to be.   And remember, I need to guard the passcode “jealously.”  So, do I sit and stare at it from across the room  as if jealously is enjoying a sweet, sugary,yeasty doughnut that I cannot have?  I suppose that’s it.  And is this from the Central Bank of Nigeria or the Union Bank PLC?   I’m so confused.

What I’m not confused about is how stupid they think I am.   I can think of many other things to do besides hand them $350 and access to my bank account.

And by the way, e-mail.us points to a free email website in Russian.   A true sign that my point of contact, is legit.  SMH

Dr. Helmut Shimanski was not the only one promising me an inheritance.  Barrister Benson Bestman (say that three times fast) contacted me with his urgent message today.

From:  Barrister Benson Bestman (benbest@blumail.org)

Subject:  YOUR ATTENTION IS KINDLY NEEDED URGENTLY

We contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance since there is no written will.

Our legal services aim to provide our private clients with a complete service becoming the fund next of kin.

We are happy to prepare Wills, set-up and administer Trusts, carry out the Administration Of Estates, prepare and administer Powers Of Attorney.

All the papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward to us your letter of acceptance, your current telephone and fax numbers and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at our high court probate division for the release of this sum of money in your favour.

Yours faithfully, 
Barrister Benson Bestman 
Call me and let us talk it confidentially on +447700011007 Send confidentai reply here: joycewilliam@126.com

Oy. Both BluWorld and 126.com offer free email accounts and 126.com is in Chinese.

Until these types are shut down, we have to protect ourselves.  Peace, all.

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